I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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