i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
