mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
