It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
