Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
