Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
