weddingsv make me drug and hornr
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
