Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
