I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude. I can hear the air.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize