I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
