help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i would punch a child for taco bell
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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