4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
