I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
