Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
