I puked a lego.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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