My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize