I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
