yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
