I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
