the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
