So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
