I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
