She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
