Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
