people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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