I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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