The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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