He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
