I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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