and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
