I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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