even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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