kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize