Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
