Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
