I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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