got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
