That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
porn star boner night. come get it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
