You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
