I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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