I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize