It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
