i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize