Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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