everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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