nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
