Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
