i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
