you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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