So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
