I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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