ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
