YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
