"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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