so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
