First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sarcasm needs its own font
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
