How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
