We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
