Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
