I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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