bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
