He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
