I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
