i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
