Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
