I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
