Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
