I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
